Many people are more concerned with being understood by others than with having an understanding of who they are. We put only a fraction of the energy into understanding ourselves compared to the energy put into expecting and wishing to be understood by others.

So many things a person does, while from the outside appearing to demonstrate self respect, self-understanding, and self-contentment are really just covert ways of getting attention, asserting an identity, or promoting an idealized image of one’s self.

And of course many people in response would simply assert and take as granted the fact that he or she does know who they are. But in all likelihood they don’t; and they would not feel the need to assert it if they did since saying so verbally would not make it anymore obvious to the rest of us.

I have a personal interpretation of the word ‘understanding,’ and although it’s not etymologically accurate (at least I don’t think so) it has helped me put some things in perspective.

The word ‘understanding’ can be broken down into ‘under’ and ‘stand,’ or ‘standing under.’ What comes to mind for me is a tree; everything a tree is owes itself to the quality of its roots “standing” underground, under what is visible, and how deep and strong they are able to grow. The ironic part is that this aspect is never seen by anyone, and although the fact that a tree is growing large green and beautiful leaves gives some indication to the quality of its roots, the roots themselves will never be seen, understood or appreciated in quite the same light with respect to the tree as a whole.

Like the roots of a tree, all the self-understanding, self-compassion, and self-recognition a person can give his or her self will always be qualities that no one will ever really see and understand. For most of us that’s not good enough, and we live lives where all our accomplishments, far from being done from a place of self worth and self-appreciation are done for attention and recognition; all things one should first and foremost be able to provide his or her self with.

Ask yourself when you do something great or come to some great realization, or have some great experience: “Do I care more about having had such an amazing experience, having touched some eternal aspect of life, or do I care more about being recognized and being given attention for what I’ve accomplished and experienced?” Ask, “Am I content with knowing my true intention for something was pure, that I did something without anyone knowing, or do I care more about being recognized for what I did?”

Ultimately, no one can see your inner peace, your self-compassion, your inner understanding, your true intentions, and connectedness to life. For many people that’s not good enough, which means caring more about gaining such things from others, which means one really never had them for his or her self to begin with. If you have such experiences then savor them for the sake of your own essence. And of course, share those experiences in the special ways you can, but beware the translation will never be 100% accurate, and that the recognition, love, and satisfaction are first and foremost the responsibility of each and every person to provide to and for themselves.